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In response to the post Gay Muslims – we’re not there yet by Jamilah, I got an unexpected email. It was from a friend, but she asked that I withhold her name, so I will simply let her share.

I am a homosexual Muslim.

More specifically, I am a Muslim lesbian. Nobody knows it, and I didn’t even realize it until the last few years. However, no one will ever know it so long as I am a practicing Muslim. I will remain in the closet, and here’s why:

To be a Muslim is to submit to Allah’s will and testify to his Qur’an and his Prophet’s advice. This is imperative and important to understand. Homosexual acts are haram, but being a homosexual is not. There is a distinction and one cannot be linked with the other.

Everyone has the potential to “be homosexual” and desire love or even intimacy with someone of the same sex – some, more than others. Homosexuality is a kind of spectrum with 100 percent heterosexuality on one end and 100 percent homosexuality on the other. Many of us fall somewhere in the middle with ranges of thoughts, fantasies, a single homosexual act or a fully homosexual lifestyle.

I have fallen in love with a woman (but never expressed it to her or anyone else). It’s kind of like the movie “Jeff, who Lives at Home,” when Susan Sarandon was busy lamenting her life as a single, working mom with two adult sons. She had a secret admirer at work who made her feel special. Turns out her admirer was her best friend. She seemed shocked and appalled but her friend explained it to her something like this: who cares if I’m a woman? Don’t you just want someone who gets you, who understands what you like, what you need and who can offer those things to you? They both kissed and it was the most non-sexual type of love ever portrayed in any of the movies I’ve seen.

So the woman I fell in love with “got” me, and I her.

So what stopped me from just explaining myself to her? Well, like I said, I consider myself a practicing Muslim, so I cannot disobey what God has said. I submit myself to his commands – all of them, not just some.

“We also sent Lut : He said to his people : “Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds.” Qur’an 7:80-81

“What! Of all creatures do ye come unto the males, and leave the wives your Lord created for you? Nay, but ye are forward folk.” Qur’an 26:165

“Sihaq (lesbian sexual activity) of women is zin a (adultery) among them” – hadith

“When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes.” – hadith

Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi of ISNA said: “Homosexuality is a moral disorder. It is a moral disease, a sin and corruption. No person is born homosexual, just like no one is born a thief, a liar or murderer. People acquire these evil habits due to a lack of proper guidance and education.”

I disagree. Humans are born with these capabilities. In my opinion (based on what limited knowledge I have on anthropology and sociology), people will lie, cheat, steal, kill and engage in homosexual activity without being explicitly taught. It IS natural, but also something which must be overcome like any other natural desire of the Id if we are to live in the society which God has built for us and which we have built for ourselves.

So while I sympathize with the many Muslims, Christians, Jews… anyone who identifies with a religion and also identifies as homosexual, I cannot in good conscience condone active homosexuality alongside active participation in a religion. If I understand and acknowledge homosexual acts are a sin in Islam, how could I continue to perpetuate the sin, turn my head, and pretend anything else I do is valid? The premise of salvation in Islam includes seeking repentance for sins and attempting not to commit the offense again. Consistently practicing homosexuality while also attempting to adhere to a belief system which rejects it is paradoxical and really quite pointless.

So until the day I renounce Islam, I will not practice homosexuality. I cannot be a “cafeteria Muslim” and choose which parts I want to follow. Allah is very clear in the Qur’an, and Muhammad is very clear in his hadith, with no room for doubt or misinterpretation, that my having a relationship with a woman is not permissible. I don’t appreciate the reasons given by leaders of our community, but I don’t need their reasons – I have Allah’s word to which I willingly submit – which is bigger than my sexual desires. For the same reason I would not have an extramarital affair with another man, I will also not have one with another woman.

I think I would urge Muslims who are homosexual to 1) admit it, if even to yourself. You can’t deny whatever it is you feel and having feelings is not a sin in itself. 2) Think about what is more important to you. If it would drive you to depression and disturb your life processes to not live exclusively heterosexually, reconsider a lot of things. If it doesn’t bother you to submit to the commands of Allah, then accept your homosexuality and move on. For myself, I have no problem living in a heterosexual relationship because I’m probably more pansexual than homosexual. I would not and could not betray my husband, my family and my Lord for my selfish sexual urges.

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32 thoughts on “I am a Lesbian Muslim by Anonymous

  1. Despite I may really offend your religion, I don’t think that you should sacrifice your happiness and keep your true identity in secret because of your God. God (despite of religion) is said to be helping you “see the right way”, which is actually to have a good life-no killing, less violence and stuff like those but loving someone from your own gender… This is WAYYY TOOOOO MUCHHH for my taste.
    I personally am an Atheist (please, do not judge) and I care less about Gods and religion but despite that, i try being understandable and I even agree to an extend with some of the “rules”. Love is something good-nobody should really give a damn if the person you fall in love with is from the opposite or the same gender as yours. 🙂

  2. I agree with alexkellyoc. Also, in my opinion as long as you believe in Him or not, He knows what you do or who you really are. Being in love with the same gender as you will never be a sin (though it is in the eyes of so many). They are just narrow minded and think that they are always right. But giving up your happiness? Nah uh.

  3. I am a queer practiceing Muslim.I believe Allah (God) created everyone including gay people equal.It is possible for any Muslim to be homosexual while practicing Islam.

    • As a lesbian Muslim woman coming to terms with my own sexuality and Muslim
      Identify, I am further appalled that Muslims are so arrogant that they believe Islam is only for those who fit a particular mould. I was taught everyone is born muslim and it is their families etc who make them Jew/Christian so on. And we have gay Muslims forcing themselves back into the closet to remain Muslim? Subhan Allah. I was in a situation where I was a practicing Muslim, studying and teaching Quran. I fell in love with a woman. It took years to accept my sexuality and I cried desperately scared I would be a Kafir if I stayed with my partner. In the end I couldn’t leave her. And guess what, when I woke up in the morning, I was still Muslim. My deeds right or wrong, my actions and prayers for Allah are for Him alone. My broken acts of worship are my gifts to a Rabb so powerful that we truely are nothing but His creation. Truth, nothing will change the fact your His creation, not the act of homosexuality and not people’s labels. My need to Love my creator is mine and noone can take that away from me.

      • I completely agree with this. I am going through something very similar, which I could actually use advice on b/c you seem very informed. Could we email if you dont mind?

      • Hello, i will tell my story in shortest possible way
        I am 20 years old girl who is Lesbian, I always knew that I Am, I’ve never had feeling or attracted to boys and i can’t imagine my self with one, I didn’t do anything with a girl before, but I’Ve a strong feeling to girls, Of course, I kept this to myself, I keep praying Allah to help me out, I know this is Haram and Terrible in Islam, at earlier age, I once had problem with my period, it were not regular, at point it didn’t come and forced to go to Dr to see what’s going on with me, After the tests show that testosterone is a bit high (Male hormone stuff) I thought that this is the problem that lead my feeling that way, But after suffering to find out what is the real think that make Period don’t comes, In the end it turned out is a gland are present in the brain called the pituitary gland, there was a a benign tumor, it was the reason that prevents the advent of the period, And now I’ve recovered, My hormones are fine, everything is normal, but I still feel the same way, Nothing change! It terrifies me, I don’t know what to do? Do I tell my family? If I came out will I live my whole life feeling guilty toward Allah and my family? if this is a guilt, Why is existed, Allah don’t make mistakes? Help me Please, every night before I sleep I cry in silence, As wounds won’t heal.

  4. i understand both parts, the writer’s and the commenter’s. its so hard to be in that position, but at the end, everyone get’s judged according to his/her deeds.
    i agree with the writer when she says God has clearly mentionned what’s our limits. We can’t follow some of God’s rules and forget the other rules. When we agree, we agree a 100% or simply 0% and not call ourselves Muslims anymore.
    It is sad that being a lesbian muslim and wanting to praise Allah pushes us to reject the feeling of loving the same gender… but 1 think i can only think of right now: this world is temporary, we’re not going to live eternaly. Let’s follow what Allah have asked us so we can be in paradise in the pemanent life. If simply following God’s commands will make us gain more than loving a girl, then why not!?

  5. Dear Anonymous,

    I first want to tell you how strong I think you are. We all make choices and we all know what the consequences are. You are very strong for just being able to commit to your sexuality. And living with another woman or not is not something you haven’t thought about before. It is your choice, not others. If you live by it one day or not is okay either way. You have come more to terms with the love you feel inside, probably more than many others. You can not help what you feel; I too, think that we are born with it and our circumstances and surroundings might or might not agree with what we are. We ourselves decide what we do with it and that is the beauty in it.
    I, myself, am Catholic, originally German, and a lesbian. Now, none of these terms describe me very well. I am interested in medicine and humans/anthropology, I believe in God and yes, I do feel attracted to women — that might describe it better. I made my own choices in life and I too, have thought about every single one. That doesn’t make it right or not right for anyone else. I just wanted to let you know that I admire you and your decisions. You certainly are a strong woman.

    Best,

    Julia

  6. Assalaamualaykum, can you please disallow my last comment which is the really long one, it has some mistakes and I need to correct it, thank you.

  7. First of all, as I read from the About Page, I was assuming deploring and disparaging comments as made by Raymond Guzzone were not allowed, i.e. let’s blame all the Muslim Men or Islam…and wait to be politically correct let’s blame the orthodox jews as well ?

    Now I am a traditional practicing Muslim man (who of course goes through the trials, or as muslims say fitna of the daily brouhaha of life) and I am having debate on this particular “fitna” for the past month or so. No, I am not a scholar, & obviously I am not speaking to the secularists or the atheists, but even from a small understanding of Islam, one can clearly and unapologetically state that sodomdy is an anbomiantion as it is all most all religions, particularly the Abrahamic religions.

    BUT what this particular sister is going through is applaudable by even most extreme Islamic preachings, i.e. to hold to your urges. Now of course in the West, we are told to enjoy the pleasure principle, but in Islam it is to control the “nafs”.

    I have written in detail about this topic on other blogs, but to cut the argument short, Islamically speaking, what this girl is doing is considered virtuous. There are muslims out there who may be suffering similar problems with alochoal, forninacvtion, pornogrpahy abd if they all held back for the “sake of Allah”, then they are also applauded.

    Other relevant blogs discussing this issue:
    http://gaymuslims.org/

    • Salam sis ive got a few problems going on in my life. I am 22 year old muslim girl in love with a 15 year old girl. Can u plz email me so i cn tell u my full story.
      Jzk thanks

  8. asalam alakum sister
    wow i just felt like u discriped my life and story . its hard like u said its all about fitna.

    i would like to chat wit u inshallah sister and maybe we can help each other inshallah .. please send ur email it would be nice to talk

    • Maybe you can help me. I am an American Christian and am in love with a Muslim woman. I would like to have someone help me understand her mindset and maybe help me figure out a way to open up some sort of communication with her again. She has totally shut down and I am lost. I don’t know how to email you, but would really appreciate some assistance.

  9. As the writer stated she is pansexual more than anything else meaning she can fall in love with whomever no matter the gender. As a true lesbian who has tried to have any kind of a relationship with a man, I have been repulsed. Not being able to fit in society as well as family and religion I felt as thought I did not have anyone or anything to turn to for guidance. I prayed and prayed for the “gay” to go away but it did not cease me. Being a homosexual is not a choice I repeat being a homosexual is not a choice. The choice however is following through with these feelings. I wish I could be straight but I don’t let my sexuality stop me from worshipping God and asking for his forgiveness. May Allah grant us wisdom to be able to follow the right path made for us.

  10. Wonderful comments from so many people here.
    I am an atheist-ish woman falling for a married muslim woman, and it is driving me beyond crazy. She is well aware of my feelings, and I of hers, but I can’t keep this up… she is married. Wish there was a way to get someone out of your head!

  11. As a Muslim man who has tried to reconcile faith with personal feelings, I would say Islam is something that must be personally interpreted. I am bisexual, although more attracted to women. No one knows this, except some of my lovers, but it was hard to imagine where I fit into Islam until I started reading pages like this and reading about the psychology of homosexuality. Its not a disease, or an abnormality, its just the way we are programmed. Its in the brain, and forcing marriage only destroys two lives. Someone above talked about how she was repulsed by men. I can completely understand that, and anyone who is dictating religion and who doesn’t, should look at his/her own gender and try to form sexual feelings. The repulsion will be clear.

    Another problem is that preachy Muslims often avoid homosexual people as if its something that they can catch. If they were more open minded and actually talked to them and made friends, they would understand that they are normal people with a different attraction that really has nothing to do with anyone except themselves.

    Allah has made us like this, and He alone can judge us.

  12. All these words and comments are so encouraging. I feel like I am constantly at a test. Having to choose between my faith and my happiness. I too am a Muslim and a lesbian. I have tried to live as a heterosexual woman but there is no happiness in that for me. I struggle to find a balance and this struggle has affected me when it comes to my job, school and relationship. I would hate for my mother, bless her, to find out my secret. I just ask for prayers and guidance and I hope to not be labelled as kafir for my actions. Allah help me

  13. As an open Christian my primary belief is love. As long as your lifestyle is based on love and respect for yourself and others you can do no harm. To deny yourself real and true happiness does the world injustice for then what is the purpose of life if you cannot simply live? Sometimes we need to put our holy books down and focus on what the real message is.. Peace and love. Why have we moved so far away from those two simple notions.. All we seem to notice are rules nowadays..*sigh*.

  14. Well my words may be little blunt and harsh for some people thus I apologise in advance. I’m heterosexual Muslim, the topic of homosexuality is misguided and misinterpreted in many aspects. Since we are all born with our sexual orientation chosen for us from our mother’s womb, I know this for a fact since I’ve studied Biomedical Sciences, Read Qura’an and Bible and reading Tora’ah to broaden my knowledge spectrum. The scientific studies have proven it again and again that sexual orientation sometimes can be different to your actual gender. Being homosexual male or female is not by your personal choice, thus we’ve been created who we are. In my understanding homosexuality was forbidden in the old times because Muslim and any other religion were much lesser in quantity and it was forbidden so an increase numbers for a nation can take place. Yes, if you are not born homosexual and just experimenting then you are accountable for a sin, but when someone is born with their sexual orientation chosen for them then holding someone responsible for homosexuality is wrong ethically in all religions. In science people mention mutation and hormonal dysfunction, in reality homosexuality is hormonal dysfunction and sometimes it can be corrected and sometimes it cannot. For an example, GOD created us in all forms which all religious scholars would agree and there are people on this planet who are born par male and par female, thus these poor souls cannot be punished for their bodily dysfunction and for a path which has already been chosen for them prior to even their birth into this world. Especially religious scholars are not trained and taught scientific facts, thus tackling modern days problems become far more complicated for them to resolve. Also I would like to mention that most of the religious scholars in Islam are scholars because they are not doing well in their studies in their early age so their parents choose this line of work for them, but they lack analysing skills of those Holy Scriptures and Holy Qura’an. Most of them would read Qura’an in Arabic and memorise it without understanding the meaning of it, along few hadeeth which comes in handy in our day to day life. Since, they lack social understanding from very early age, they have no right to become religious leader and misguide other people, their followers, as well. In Islam it is stressed to discuss social issues infact Prophet(PBUH) mentioned to learn social studied first and then religious studies, because this is when you not only understand your religion better but also be an examplary Muslim and a good citizen. In the end I would also state that it is also mentioned not to lie, cheat, and harm other people in all religions and it is regarded a sin too. Now where we stand today most of our scholars lie, cheat and steal money from charity to serve their own agendas. Shame on them and all of their followers who don’t bring the right message across and are full of lies and lack understanding of their own religions. But unfortunately, this is the society we live in these days and since we’ve given control of our lives to these so called scholars they decide for us, there’s not much one can do. So please do your own research and if you belong to any religion take back what has taken for you and decide for yourself before someone decides for you!

  15. Since I was 7 years old I liked girls and I did ‘stuff with my friend’ not getting intimate though, but touching one another n kissing. Then I stopped. I always found myself liking girls, tried dating guys but nothing changed, I’m now 29, single not married n I still prefer women. N still I’m a Muslim…… Only God knows best….

  16. “Be who you ARE – not who others WANT you to be.” (me)

    “Religion is an institution designed by man define or control God and subjugate women or those different from the ones in control.” (me)

    I am a lesbian Christ follower. It is not about a religion – it is about a RELATIONSHIP with God Almighty. The Truth shall set you free.

    #YouAreLoved 💗💜💙

    PS – none of us are sinless or perfect, nor can we be. We are all priceeated in sin – but God’s mercy and grace plus endless love accepts as as we are – not as we ‘should’ be. You CAN love God, be lesbian and enter Heaven. MAN and the Patriarchy are the ones trying to
    Control us and prevent us from finding Truth through joy, love and peace. Happiness is not enough. Joy is the foundation of our relationship with God – it is our strength – through any and all things – good or bad. Pray for God to allow you to see yourself through HIS eyes, not your own or man’s or institutions such as religion. It’s not what we do – it’s Whom we know. Our relationship with God who knows our heart and loves us AS-IS. God truly loves you – rightvwgere you are. I will pray for you and for your eyes to see Truth as God wants you to see. Peace be with you. 💗
    Bree 💁🏻

    • procreated – through nature – not Created. Our souls enter our bodies at point of conception and we are born of, through and into sin – separated from God. Only Adam & Eve were Created by God in flesh. They chose to know what God knew – what He did not want us to know… sin. Sin & God cannot coexist. We cannot mix imperfection with perfection – which is WHY we all desperately need a Savior – who came THROUGH us – not to us. Sinless & blameless taking on our sin, spilling His blood in selfless sacrifice for our forgiveness, in grace, pardoning our sins to enter Heaven and live in eternity in His unending love. It’s a FREE gift we don’t earn – we merely freely ACCEPT – as He acceots us – UNCONDITIONALLY. No strings. We cannot impress God – we can only love Him with all our heart, our mind, our soul and our being.

  17. While confused, and searching for someone who understood me I found your post. And Alhamdulilah we share a common mindset it which Allah and his commandments trumph the desire we humans have the capability of feeling. I have never deeply thought and accepted being sexually inclined toward women until now, in my college years. It’s been difficult, lonely, and most of all very confusing. I have liked both men and women and have aknowledged the fact. I have loved a young woman and likewise a man. I have cried and asked Allah to change this overwhelming desire that I have and have wished I was “normal”. Your story gives me strength to keep on but it also teaches me acceptance of who I am, and that despite this it, is a test from Allah and not a punishment to overcome this dunya. Thank you

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